ROSIE LAPS THE FIELD

ROSIE (inmate A536872) in cell 138 is desparately seeking Susan or anyone else who likes to jog. ROSIE is an almost 2 year old spayed LabraBeagle who needs to find a new home before the sky pilot arrives. She is extremely affectionate, but ran afoul of the law during a visitation from a member of the general public. Considering that she has been in solitary confinement for several weeks, she pulls when let out of her cell, but soon calms down. Likes dogs and licks people.

ROBBER BARON

BARON (A533044) doesn’t know how to swim, and only ventures up to his hocks. This pixie stallion has been denutted and enjoys running along the riverside, but has a reputation for starting bar room brawls with some femails, and probably would be happier in a single canine home. On the other hand, he gets along with the humongous twins – BUDDY and BELLA, and the Tiny Tim HAMLET, the miniature pincher with an undeserved reputation for flashing his teeth at macho types. BARON’s leash manners vary with the brig chaser. If you give him respect, he responds in kind. Returned to owner.

HAMLET ACT II

HAMLET (inmate A484473) has been acting out his life tragedy, but hopes to soon find a loving home and escape the noise in the solitary confinement wing. He suffers from a Chihuahua complex brought on by a humanoid who kept him as a lap dog. HAMLET is just now coming out of his shell and learning basic socialization skills with the help of MELLOW BELLA. His cage yelp is all show, he’s never bitten anyone. His best friends are BELLA, BUDDY, the ROBBER BARON, and ROSIE the small white mixed Labradorian. On 6/26/08 HAMLET joined another home that he will share with two other mutts.

OLIVEOYL SEEKS SPINACH LOVER

OLIVEROYL (inmate A542733) seeks a veterarian jogger who loves to go buckbathing in the moat on warm summer nights when the water moccassins water roaches are asleep. She is half black Labradorian, but her Greecian nose hints of pointer, and her spindly legs of a Greyhound. A the tender age of two, she is only 45 pounds and small for a Labradorian. Super friendly with humanoids and their minions, as well as other canids. Quiet as a church mouse. Stays out in front, but not pushy about it. Excellent chain manners. Tends to cling to her brig chaser and shows mushy signs of emotion when startled by dark shadows under the drawbridge and sudden noises. Doesn’t know what to make of humanoids on bipeds. Probably led a sheltered life. FOUR PAWS UP! POPEYE came to claim her back!

POLAR BEARS CITED IN TOWN LAKE

Two 6 year old polar bears from Labrador who snuck over the Pyrenees to get into America, a eunuch named Buddy (A540759) weighing in at only 130 pounds, and a femail named Bella (A540758), topping the scales at 111.5, were recently captured floating in Town Lake. These two came in as a bonded pair and are being held in a containment pod SB-22. Both are extremely friendly. The little one has a raspy affectionate tongue and gets along with humanoid and canid alike. The big one sticks to his handlers like glue and will return to owner. These bears are slow moving love machines in need of diet and exercise. When walked in pairs they are models of canine deportment.

While BUDDY was in sickbay having his pet heartworm removed, BELLA apparently had illicit affairs with a miniature pincher and a donkey. The inter-species relationship has shocked dogdumb. Happy Daze! B&B found a forever home!

BISCUIT DIGS BIG MEN

On Saturday, April 18th, BISCUIT (inmate A522927) joined a herd of other Texas Water Spaniels from the Town Lake Detention Center on a forced march to the the 2009 ASPCA Canine Rodeo at Zilker Park. BISCUIT dripping wet is only 31 pounds and loves to dive in over her head and perform alligator death rolls in the moat. She got along with hundreds of other canid inmates from competing gangs gathered for the rodeo, although she is somewhat guarded around her mess kit at dinner time. She also conned her brig chaser into sharing part of a 100% beef Nathan’s hot dog. Originally from Staffordshire County, this yearling loves people and liver crack (not necessarily in that order). Although BISCUIT’s tubes have been tied, she still admires studs when she sees them. She tried to french kiss a number of rodeo participants. She took a particular liking to a herd of Great Danes even though she had trouble reaching high enough to sniff their manly aroma. BISCUIT has a lot of stamina, having walked almost 5 miles back and forth from the prison fairgrounds, swum in the murky waters of Town Lake moat several times, and attempted to join several groups of humanoid joggers along the trail. Overall, BISCUIT is a full girl to go out with, even when shackled. BISCUIT found herself in the foundling home when her parents lost their doghouse, and is not your typical inmate. Paroled on 4/21/2009.

BESS WANTS OUT OF HER MESS

BESS is a long-term inmate (A527183) who spent time in solitary confinement for smuggling in a heart worm. She is now in excellent condition. Seeks cross-species relationships. Excellent leash manners when strolling along the moat trail, stays right at your side. Loves to lay by your side wherever you plant your butt. Goes to ground for field mice and squirrels like the Texas coonhound she is. When first sentenced, she won a spot on the renowned play buddy team, but she has since grown tired of hearing all the other inmates whine all the time, and is seeking a single dog family. A favorite of the trail gang bosses once you get over her initial burst out of the starting gate. PAROLED!

FRITO IS NO TACO BELL

Prisoner A535634, aka FRITO is into cross-species relationships. The product of a mixed marriage between a Teutonic princess and a common Beagle, FRITO displays the best attributes of both breeds. Likes canids and humanoids. Not too big, not too small. Good leash manners. Released to halfway house.

ALL THAT JAZZ

JAZZ is a black Labradorian who loves to chase after balls and sticks. She is a natural born retriever. Loves people and other canids. Slim, trim, likes to run around and would make someone an excellent jogging partner. Inmate A535475 is a model prisoner and hopes to be released soon. Current status – paroled.

HOSS CARTWRIGHT HAS HEART OF GOLD

Shortly after booking former TV star HOSS, his name was changed inexplicitly to KING CAKE and given inmate number A536057. POND CAKE maybe, at 100 pounds this two year old is a happy-go-lucky canine. HOSS is a Louisiana treasure, the member of a dying tribe of Catahoula leopard hounds bred to corral the rankest steers and nastiest wild boars in the swamp. HOSS loves humanoids. His vocal cords produce a bellow rather than a bark. He loves to run, but if you can’t keep up with him, you probably don’t want to be holding his reins. HOSS’s coat looks like a creamcicle gone wild. His big floppy ears show his gentler side. HOSS floats like a cake of Ivory soap in the moat. A fearless deep sea diver. HOSS floated out of prison when the sewers backed up last week. He fashioned a raft of Lone Star beer cans which he emptied all by himself. His wear-abouts are unknown.