HOSS CARTWRIGHT HAS HEART OF GOLD

Shortly after booking former TV star HOSS, his name was changed inexplicitly to KING CAKE and given inmate number A536057. POND CAKE maybe, at 100 pounds this two year old is a happy-go-lucky canine. HOSS is a Louisiana treasure, the member of a dying tribe of Catahoula leopard hounds bred to corral the rankest steers and nastiest wild boars in the swamp. HOSS loves humanoids. His vocal cords produce a bellow rather than a bark. He loves to run, but if you can’t keep up with him, you probably don’t want to be holding his reins. HOSS’s coat looks like a creamcicle gone wild. His big floppy ears show his gentler side. HOSS floats like a cake of Ivory soap in the moat. A fearless deep sea diver. HOSS floated out of prison when the sewers backed up last week. He fashioned a raft of Lone Star beer cans which he emptied all by himself. His wear-abouts are unknown.