CATTLE BARON FROM DOWNUNDER SEEKS TEXAS COWGIRL

Cowdog PHOENIX, like most of his brethren from downunder is of dubious extraction, perhaps his cattledog mom flirted with some visiting fureigners like a Basenji, Pharoahs or Ibizan hound. In human years, this one year old, forty pound light-weight, whose colors are chestnut with splotches of white, is just 20 English inches tall and 22 inches long. He probably will not get any bigger. He has a perfect 3/5 body condition score – not too fat, not too skinny, but just right!

PHOENIX recently got all his shots – rabies, DHPP, and Bordetella, just in time for the fall semester in obedience school. He believes in preventive medicine and takes his heartworm, and flea and tick treatment seriously. Been chipped by Emancipet. Dipped in oatmeal lather.

PHOENIX practices safe sex. His Rocky Mountain oysters were clipped and dipped recently, when he was put under house arrest with an E-collar for tracking. He is a switch hitter, attempting to mount Sassy, the cattlelabra hussey, and Bart, the Anatolian stallion from both front and rear with limited success.

Given a doggie door or a master doorman, he is well house-broken and accident-free. A late night pitstop at the outhouse will ensure a restful night.

Cowdog PHEONIX wasn’t always a cattle baron, he started out in humble circumstances and was abandoned as a young whipper-snapper in an apartment bedroom when his former master ended up in the calaboose. This resourceful cowdog bit and chewed his way out of his prison after the toilet water ran out, found his kibble, and tore into the bag. He then tried to break out of a window, and was eventually saved by the Sisters from the Holy Order of the Lagomorph. The waif was then transported by wagon train to a frontier dogpatch for education and rehabilitation. He was recently released from house arrest and his E-collar removed.

PHEONIX is now ready to find a job as a cowpoke, dustbuster, or mudwrestler. Having grown up in the air-conditioned confines of his apartment cell, he spends bursts of energy outside, then plunges through the doggie door where he gulps down his water and pants himself to sleep. Being confined in small places has damaged his psyche, and he shows some anxiety when left alone, but is currently undergoing psyho-analysis and is overcoming his fears. He is up to 30 minutes in his open St. Bernard’s steel crate and several hours in his boarding room with the TV on and a basket of hard rubber toys and King Kongs sealed with crunchy peanut butter.

PHEONIX drinks hard and plays hard. He mudwrestles with the world-famous porkulotus – Sassy the Cattlelabra, whose love handles are legendary, and Bart, the Anatolian Stallion, whose ruff-house skills were honed in the cellblocks of the Town Lake Detention Center. PHEONIX likes to play ruff and tumble. His two friends are teaching him the etiquette of the ancient Western wrestling arts, and when to take a rest.

PHEONIX makes humanoid friends easily, although his former master was remiss in teaching him not to jump up on friend or furniture. He made instant friends with a golden retriever and a hotdog on the neighboring ranches.

This cowboy loves to ride in the chuck-wagon, and has adapted to wearing a safety belt while driving, but has recently become protective of his domain when sitting up high in the saddle. He is one of those people who can sleep just about anywhere, and when not peering out at the scenery, curls up and crashes. While he rarely barks, he has been known to growl at the hoi poloi along the trail from his high seat in the chuck-wagon.

PHEONIX recently lost his merit scout badge by failing to correctly identify a fresh roadkill copperhead on the wagon train trail in Bastrop Forest. He loves the outdoors, but is inexperienced in woodsmanship. He spends most of his time sniffing in the wind, and marking the trail to find his way back, until he is shooting blanks. While a carnivore at heart, he does love to sample the lean cruisine along the trail, but has not yet learned to identify buffalo grass from tomato plants and poison ivy.

He still has all his teeth, and loves to snap, crackle, and pop just about anything he can put in his mouth. Tennis balls become shreds in minutes. His favorite playthings are King Kongs topped with crunchy peanut butter, hard rubber ding dongs, and twirling his lariat.

Being a hard-working cowpoke, PHEONIX is lacking in certain social graces. While he loves to roll in the dirt, he shuns bathwater or even an occasional shower. His paws sometimes smell like stale corn chips. He is slowly losing his fear of soap and water. His table manners are disgusting. He wolfs down his dinner and then belches and farts with total disregard for those around him. His former master did not teach him to keep his hands off the table, and he has been known to steal cat food and even red lettuce out of the mouths of rabbits. On the other hand, he is not a picky eater, he appreciates anything you put in his mouth with equal relish.

A fickle lover, PHEONIX is known to attach himself to any humanoid who supplies him with bittles and a place to lay his head at night. He prefers working for a humanoid family with a large fenced yard with attached doggie door and air-conditioning. Being a cattle baron, he needs plenty of exercise outside his cell or he gets cranky and starts bouncing off the walls. A long evening stroll guarantees restful sleep. He doesn’t get along with felines or lagomorphs, but would love to have canid companionship, and is not adverse to pitting his herding skills with the bulls. He doesn’t pick up after himself, but that is what humanoids are for. NO Saturday night cowpokes, city-slicker condo dwellers, or work-a-holics with no time on their hands need apply. PHEONIX is the real McCoy.

Bottomline, PHEONIX is your normal post-adolescent cowpoke seeking a cowgirl or cowboy who loves to run and play, but needs some tender loving care due to some of the drama in his recent life. He is slowly overcoming some of his rough edges, and just needs some tender loving care and direction.

For more information, call Sister Penny at 512 626-5555, or e-mail pevans5austintx@hotmail.com to arrange for a meet and greet at the corral. For character references (he is a character) call 512 581-0091. [11/15/10 - still available, warden reluctant to let him go, but h as too many pets. ]