FREE TRAVIS TRAILWALKER
November 14, 2010
Inmate A571570 ( aka TRAVIS TRAILWALKER ) in cell A23 has earned the dubious distinction of being the Town Lake Detention Center’s longest stay inmate, having just completed 200 days, some of it in solitary confinement. He spent several months in the prison sickbay with the sick, lame, and lazy, but has now been cleared for unrestricted duty. This porkulent Black Labradorian has several strikes against him, being half pit bull, and caring for a pet heart-worm named Mr. Wiggly. Because of his previous long-term incarceration in the infirmary and stress of imprisonment, it was determined that removal of TRAVIS’s travel buddy – who was smuggled into the prison – be postponed until Travis’ release from captivity. The Benevolent Ex-convict Reformation Fund has offered to reimburse his work-release employer up to $300 toward costs of exhortation and the séance needed to drive the evil spirits from his pulmonary artery.
TRAVIS was granted a two-night humanitarian Cinderella liberty under the close watch of a brigchaser over the Veteran’s Day holiday. His first encounter with his brigchaser went extraordinarily well, except during the fitting of his chariot seat-belt straight jacket. After he turned himself into a pretzel, the brigchaser took pity and gave him free reign inside the magic pumpkin. TRAVIS loves to drive through the country, riding shotgun and stretching out in the backseat driver’s couch. He tried his hand at steering, but couldn’t reach the pedals at the same time, and had trouble negotiating the parallel parking test.
Once released at the half-way house and Bastrop County Texass Coral Snake Preservation Habitat, TRAVIS stretched his legs on the half-acre of prime poison ivy/oak/sumac forest, tried to dig up moles attempting to undermine the perimeter cattle fence, and relieved himself on loblolly pines and pin oaks like he never saw a tree before.
He joined two Town Lake Detention Center ex-inmates Sassy – the Cattlelabra, ( aka Jellyroll Galore ) and Bart – the Anatolian stallion, as well as Cookie, the neighbor’s barking hotdog, and Rocky, former punch-drunk Golden Gloves champion. Unlike his play buddies, who have all staked out their territory and jealously guard against intruders like Rocky the Flying Squirrel, Possum Bottom, and Squeaky the Mole, TRAVIS was relatively quiet during his entire stay, not returning the taunts of the other inmates or the insults from the peanut gallery while navigating the gauntlet of noisy junk yard dogs in the surrounding hovels. He wasn’t even conned into barking at the doorbell during the pizza delivery commercials on TV like one of his more gullible roommates.
Except for one minor incident when he first entered the premises, TRAVIS appears well housebroken, and learned to use the doggie door after watching the other inmates waddle through the narrow porthole. ( Did I mention that TRAVIS is getting a little porkulent himself from months of inactivity and prison chow? ) He is, however, a closet drinker (water closet that is), and it is suggested one leave the toilet seat and lid down. Until he followed the lead of his fellow inmates and drank at the water trough, he was given his own water bucket just like in prison.
During TRAVIS’ first ten minutes in the half-way house, he was sort of overwhelmed by the intimate contact and rude welcome he received. The prison mafia accepted him only after he prostrated himself upside down and joined in a menage de trois, which unfortunately was not captured on video for posterity. The Anatolian stallion mounted poor TRAVIS from the rear (prison does that to some), while Jellyroll smothered him with motherly love from the front. Once he understood his place in the prison hierarchy, he was invited into the inner circle and allowed to play with their over-stuffed red teddy and a host of squeak toys that go bump in the night. TRAVIS was not a complete pushover and knows how to play rough, but he knows the rules and unspoken signals of the game, and breaks on command.
TRAVIS knows the basic commands and works for approval given liver crack, or pieces of pig’s ears. He lacks some social graces. His gate manners need more work, as he explodes from the starting gate without so much as a “by your leave”. Likewise, it has been reported that his leash manners lacked some tact. While he pulled when collared and resisted putting on a straightjacket, he did well when saddled up with the new “step-in” basic straightjacket with the high-on-the-shoulders padlock ring – disliked by most brigchasers because of its twists and turns. Once on the road, whether alone, or with one of the other inmates, he quickly got into step and emulated his brethen after some initial tug of war with his brigchaser. He power-walked with Bart, but stopped and smelled the remnants of doggies past with Sassy. When walked alone in the forest, he was very relaxed if just left to doing what is natural for a canid and allowed to sniff to his heart’s desire.
While at the half-way house, TRAVIS went on several excursions off-site including slum-garden on the lower east side, Bastrop state copperhead preserve, and Fishernan’s park inside the Bastrop castle walls, where he romped in the Lower Colorado moat as far as his chains would allow. When in the dark forest, it was like he had never smelled deer dung or the pea of the grey fox and wily coyote before. The sight of three reindeer in flight sent him into a tizzy. While he took to his own kind quite quickly, he probably would not be a good candidate for release to a probationary setting that included cats or rabbits. While Bart and Sassy readily accepted small furry beings into their family after a brief introduction, TRAVIS was less accepting and was not invited to sleep in the main den. TRAVIS TRAILWALKER is an accomplished woodsman, marking the trail so we could find our way back to the chariot until he was shooting blanks.
TRAVIS’ former pack leaders were far too lenient in letting him put his paws on the furniture. Given the short length of his visit, he was given some leniency and allowed to sleep on the futon bed and play bumping cars on the sofa.
When left alone, TRAVIS grew anxious. Unfortunately the canid toy box was out of his reach, but he found toys of his own to drag down and play with. However, when left in the company of more mature canines, he did not show any abborent behavior. He will do well if released to an employer with others of his own persuasion.
TRAVIS never met a human he didn’t like, and loves the one he’s with. He takes an immediate liking to anyone in a position of authority and keeps all four paws on the ground when greeting. During his short liberty outside prison walls, he did not encounter any minions of the humanoid race. Despite his tragic circumstances, TRAVIS remains upbeat and affectionate. He loves being petted, brushed, and presses up against his hardened brigchaser in a vain attempt to gain his favor. He willingly took his first hot bath in a real tub and had his outer ears cleaned, but almost immediately joined the Anatolian stallion in a mud-wrestling contest and was fined two pig’s ears for self-mutilation during Captain’s Mast.
Given his lack of interest in toying around, small stature, and his association with Mr. Wiggly, TRAVIS would probably be disqualified from traditional service jobs, but his bubbly disposition may land him a job as a greeter at the local old people’s home or juvenile hospital setting. He has an infectious smile and loves being petted, rubbed, and brushed, and loves to press up against you.
Upon his return to prison, his new friends invited TRAVIS for Thanksgiving dinner if he is still incarcerated. This bubbly tub of lard has a healthy appetite and enjoyed the half-way house chow, whose main ingredient was a named meat instead of cornflakes and meat by-products of undetermined species. He particularly liked chowing down on HEB ECOMAX uneven turkey slices. But given his bulbous belly, he really needs to get out and stretch his legs more instead of eating. Spread the word to FREE TRAVIS today before he goes pen crazy! ADOPTED!
